It is so heartwarming to read from you, and there shouldn’t be any moral judgement about your day. Although I don't suppose heartwarming wishes to keep up the effort are that much support, I believe that it can create deeper meaning to imagine the shared struggle you accompany others along, one that can give rise to the biggest fears and despair. Maybe imagining (and even laughing a bit) about the oddity of such different realities from an outside perspective can be useful on those occasions. For sure, developing better breathing techniques has been useful for me many times. Hugs!
Aw, thanls Marcela! I am trying not to have moral judgement, but it is a little difficult with my AA training... My sponsor was very kind and calm about it, but I feel aware others would definitely see that I crossed the line and should reset my time. Interesting to ponder...
I do worry I have treated the subject of addiction too glibly in my post, as it is a killer... But I can only share my experience, I suppose.
I need to learn to rely more on breathing techniques - they are always helpful when I remember (or am pushed) to do them!
Thank you for responding. I think I understand. I have always felt your insights to be completely serious about the topic and the combination with your perspective has been a bliss. These matters without compassion and humanity are insufficient in my view. Of course managing to stay out of the destructive pathway of addiction is a core need. Many hugs
Chelsey! This is an awesome piece of writing and a massive victory! I read it with such delight because I knew you were going to come through the experience stronger. The battle that goes on in our heads isn’t visible to others - I bet your students and their families were overjoyed to see you, and loved celebrating your massive contribution to building their foundations. Onwards! 😊👍
This is about discernment - the wisdom to know the difference, which, when you are flooding can be nearly impossible. But to "know thyself" is to be responsible about when you know you will be flooding, i.e. a graduation, and know how to love and take care of your own nervous system in a way that aligns your insides with your outsides (the rest of the world). Mistakes and the shame of mistakes are sensations for us to ask the question, "did I make a mistake?" and truly discern where your internal and external selves were misaligned. When they are misaligned, there is an adjustment to make, and an AMENDS. Triggering our own nervous systems into overload by doing something like drinking, gives us the gift of something to ruminate about, as in "WTF do I do after a relapse???" And you go around and around... until there is an opening, an ADMITTING (step 1) . That opening, admitting is the first step in calming the nervous system (the anxious overactivity is powerless). You can turn anything into a victory at any time, but that is the practice of a living amends. A living amends is actually changing your behavior to love and care for the parasympathetic nervous system, which is what is so neglected and under-practiced.
I agree with Barbara. I think it’s more about whether it’s stealing from your peace of mind. I rather suspect for me personally it would be the keeping it from my sponsor that would be my own undoing. I know when I don’t speak to her promptly, my thoughts are generally almost consumed with ‘I really need to speak to her about this’. And actually it doesn’t always have to be my sponsor - we have a five hour time difference which can be a challenge!
Oh also to add… thank you for sharing this! And I recently had a sip of low alcohol cider (I thought it was AF) and didn’t like the taste, switched to a soft drink. And had a ‘So I really did drink cider just for the effect after all’ moment 😂
Yes in my opinion it’s a victory! ✌🏻 You faced a familiar trigger in a high-pressure setting, listened to your honest reaction (“this tastes bloody awful”), and made a deliberate choice to stop. You actively put the booze down, chose something else.
Ultimately you get to choose how you see it and who you tell.
Well I’m thankful you did. You seized the moment and captured it. I found it extremely interesting and reflected on my own experiences which were different (so I won’t harp on about it).
I never became physically addicted and after got sober was diagnosed autistic and adhd so I think my addiction was quite specific to being masked neurodivergent. I stopped in time as they say...
I'm interested to hear your experience, feel free to DM me ❤️
If it is a problem to tell them, then you should also tell them!
Sponsors are not the be all and end all of everything, and they don’t know everything, but yours knows you pretty well.
If they react badly, tell someone else who knows you at your worst…
Total abstinence is not for everyone, but it’s pretty essential for others…. A sip is just that, a sip….. but if it’s stealing your peace of mind then it’s important.
Hi Barbara, this is a really good point and you are right of course. I don't think it was anything worrying, as you can tell from how I've written about it, but if not then why not talk about it?
I will do talking about it irl and test my thinking 🧐 ❤️
Hi Chelsey, Dan read this and found it totally relatable, he really struggles with a lot of social occasions which surprises a lot of people. “How can this be true when you play in a band?” Truth is he enjoys performing as he is totally focused on what he’s doing at those times.
You’ve done so much work on yourself, proud of you. X
Hi Sue! Yes, apparently it's quite common with creative types. That's why we are at risk of addiction too, I am coming to understand, as we find these unhealthy coping mechanisms and then can get stuck with them so self-understanding is really important.
I'm excited to hear his band, they sounded great on the video you sent and I need to catch up with the radio show you shared.
Yes, your sip of Cava followed by a swift decision not to take another sip of said Cava was a massive success.
After engaging myself in the 24 hour news cycle at a minute by minute level for the past few years, I lost my last 6 months of sobriety from drugs due to the horror the other week. I consumed 5g of ketamine, 2g of cocaine, 64 uncapped, decanted and snorted pregabalin and 20, 10mg diazepam pills over the course of a few days. It wasn't even fun, I was doing it to block something out and doing it alone, not to be the life and the soul of anything, just to deny that lives were being lost and my soul was hurting for them.
I am still happily sober from alcohol, the first and worst love story I was ever involved in. You didn't break your sobriety you reaffirmed it.
I spent the past few days sober again and making a timetable I know I won't keep too, but may keep to some of occasionally. Catching up here is my two hours reading for the day, today. Take heart, you are a part of others journeys towards their own betterment.
It is so heartwarming to read from you, and there shouldn’t be any moral judgement about your day. Although I don't suppose heartwarming wishes to keep up the effort are that much support, I believe that it can create deeper meaning to imagine the shared struggle you accompany others along, one that can give rise to the biggest fears and despair. Maybe imagining (and even laughing a bit) about the oddity of such different realities from an outside perspective can be useful on those occasions. For sure, developing better breathing techniques has been useful for me many times. Hugs!
Aw, thanls Marcela! I am trying not to have moral judgement, but it is a little difficult with my AA training... My sponsor was very kind and calm about it, but I feel aware others would definitely see that I crossed the line and should reset my time. Interesting to ponder...
I do worry I have treated the subject of addiction too glibly in my post, as it is a killer... But I can only share my experience, I suppose.
I need to learn to rely more on breathing techniques - they are always helpful when I remember (or am pushed) to do them!
Thank you for responding. I think I understand. I have always felt your insights to be completely serious about the topic and the combination with your perspective has been a bliss. These matters without compassion and humanity are insufficient in my view. Of course managing to stay out of the destructive pathway of addiction is a core need. Many hugs
I relate to SO much of this.
Chelsey! This is an awesome piece of writing and a massive victory! I read it with such delight because I knew you were going to come through the experience stronger. The battle that goes on in our heads isn’t visible to others - I bet your students and their families were overjoyed to see you, and loved celebrating your massive contribution to building their foundations. Onwards! 😊👍
This is about discernment - the wisdom to know the difference, which, when you are flooding can be nearly impossible. But to "know thyself" is to be responsible about when you know you will be flooding, i.e. a graduation, and know how to love and take care of your own nervous system in a way that aligns your insides with your outsides (the rest of the world). Mistakes and the shame of mistakes are sensations for us to ask the question, "did I make a mistake?" and truly discern where your internal and external selves were misaligned. When they are misaligned, there is an adjustment to make, and an AMENDS. Triggering our own nervous systems into overload by doing something like drinking, gives us the gift of something to ruminate about, as in "WTF do I do after a relapse???" And you go around and around... until there is an opening, an ADMITTING (step 1) . That opening, admitting is the first step in calming the nervous system (the anxious overactivity is powerless). You can turn anything into a victory at any time, but that is the practice of a living amends. A living amends is actually changing your behavior to love and care for the parasympathetic nervous system, which is what is so neglected and under-practiced.
I agree with Barbara. I think it’s more about whether it’s stealing from your peace of mind. I rather suspect for me personally it would be the keeping it from my sponsor that would be my own undoing. I know when I don’t speak to her promptly, my thoughts are generally almost consumed with ‘I really need to speak to her about this’. And actually it doesn’t always have to be my sponsor - we have a five hour time difference which can be a challenge!
Oh also to add… thank you for sharing this! And I recently had a sip of low alcohol cider (I thought it was AF) and didn’t like the taste, switched to a soft drink. And had a ‘So I really did drink cider just for the effect after all’ moment 😂
Yes in my opinion it’s a victory! ✌🏻 You faced a familiar trigger in a high-pressure setting, listened to your honest reaction (“this tastes bloody awful”), and made a deliberate choice to stop. You actively put the booze down, chose something else.
Ultimately you get to choose how you see it and who you tell.
Thanks Jo! It might have been a bit impulsive to write a newsletter about it rather than talk it through with someone but never mind... 😂
Well I’m thankful you did. You seized the moment and captured it. I found it extremely interesting and reflected on my own experiences which were different (so I won’t harp on about it).
I never became physically addicted and after got sober was diagnosed autistic and adhd so I think my addiction was quite specific to being masked neurodivergent. I stopped in time as they say...
I'm interested to hear your experience, feel free to DM me ❤️
Im sure your sponsor probably reads this
If it’s not a problem you should tell them
If it is a problem to tell them, then you should also tell them!
Sponsors are not the be all and end all of everything, and they don’t know everything, but yours knows you pretty well.
If they react badly, tell someone else who knows you at your worst…
Total abstinence is not for everyone, but it’s pretty essential for others…. A sip is just that, a sip….. but if it’s stealing your peace of mind then it’s important.
Hi Barbara, this is a really good point and you are right of course. I don't think it was anything worrying, as you can tell from how I've written about it, but if not then why not talk about it?
I will do talking about it irl and test my thinking 🧐 ❤️
Happy to have a call if you need to talk irl too
Hi Chelsey, Dan read this and found it totally relatable, he really struggles with a lot of social occasions which surprises a lot of people. “How can this be true when you play in a band?” Truth is he enjoys performing as he is totally focused on what he’s doing at those times.
You’ve done so much work on yourself, proud of you. X
Hi Sue! Yes, apparently it's quite common with creative types. That's why we are at risk of addiction too, I am coming to understand, as we find these unhealthy coping mechanisms and then can get stuck with them so self-understanding is really important.
I'm excited to hear his band, they sounded great on the video you sent and I need to catch up with the radio show you shared.
Do they have any plans to tour any time soon? ☺️
It's definitely a victory :-)
Hurray! I hoped someone would say that. Maybe the spell really IS broken!
Or maybe graduation cava is just disgusting...
Yes, your sip of Cava followed by a swift decision not to take another sip of said Cava was a massive success.
After engaging myself in the 24 hour news cycle at a minute by minute level for the past few years, I lost my last 6 months of sobriety from drugs due to the horror the other week. I consumed 5g of ketamine, 2g of cocaine, 64 uncapped, decanted and snorted pregabalin and 20, 10mg diazepam pills over the course of a few days. It wasn't even fun, I was doing it to block something out and doing it alone, not to be the life and the soul of anything, just to deny that lives were being lost and my soul was hurting for them.
I am still happily sober from alcohol, the first and worst love story I was ever involved in. You didn't break your sobriety you reaffirmed it.
I spent the past few days sober again and making a timetable I know I won't keep too, but may keep to some of occasionally. Catching up here is my two hours reading for the day, today. Take heart, you are a part of others journeys towards their own betterment.