Alcohol Allowed Me to Hide My Autism (Even From Myself)

If I hadn't gotten sober I would never have worked it out.

The first time I drank, it was a revelation. Alcohol allowed me to access the fun personality I reserved for close friends, and bring it to the party. It allowed me to stop worrying about how weird I was and just enjoy it. For the first time in my young life, I seemed able to step into the sunshine of other people's attention without immediately wanting to retreat.

And so, naturally, I loved it! Drink became a mainstay of my life, and it stayed at the center for over twenty years. Then I started to suffer from bad relationships and poor mental health. I didn't have enough money to waste so much on alcohol and I became frustrated. Eventually this led to me getting sober, and starting this blog. (Hurray!)

After I got sober, there was huge growth. I learned how to be reliable and got better at handling small talk (thanks AA!) I got better at sharing my thoughts with others and making friends with people and connecting, generally. I …