Secret diaries of a young, drunk and clueless overthinker #5
Is this the beginning of me fictionalising my life...
As a bonus for paid subscribers I’m transcribing the notebooks I’ve been keeping since my teens. Starting from around graduation from university.
Read on as I flail around small towns getting drunk, avoiding healthy communication and just being a generally clueless and hard-drinking double masked Au-dhd doofus.
1st December 200X
Self Esteem
I feel like I’m on the verge of crying as soon as anything goes wrong, the tiniest thing. It’s a familiar feeling but one that has also disappeared for long periods of my life.
I realise I’ve been stressed for months, stressed & desperately unhappy.
I must remember that:
★ I choose my friends, & surround myself with people that are not negative & know who I am, i.e. I can relax & be myself around.
★ It is okay to be quiet. If I just wait the other person will fill the silence / move the conversation on / suggest a way to solve the problem
★ It is okay to show you don’t want to talk about something by being silent. That is asserting yourself & will earn others' respect.
Things I want to achieve:
★ be able to say what I want or want to do in a calm, even tone (i.e. without giggling / trailing off / rushing etc)
★ be able to make decisions, to let go of the fear of it being right or wrong
★ to take control of my career, stop drifting, i.e. write everyday, be organised, apply for all the things in my reach – REMEMBER, THIS IS MY PRIORITY.
★ choose my arguments, learn to control temper / not rise to baiting.
★ be able to assert / control use of Internet. 3 daily checks of email, fb + FW (Fiction Workhouse). Maximum.
Reading this my first thought is GOOD LUCK WITH STICKING TO YOUR INTERNET USAGE QUOTA through the oncoming decade.
(How have you done with managing your time online?)
My second thought is, jeez louise, I'm still trying to learn some of the same lessons. I guess that is understandable when you have been masked for 86% of your life.
(For a better understanding of being masked read the post below.)
If Masking Is the Default Why Does It Crush Some of Us So Much More Than Others?
Some of you will know my upcoming book is about masking and alcohol. How it helps us to mask and unmask. This week I spoke to Dr Felicity Sedgwick about it, and Dr Tony Atwood too.
Have I learned any of the things on my list? Let me consider them one by one…
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