Secret diary of a young and clueless overthinker #1

Late night Trisha, kissing and drunkenness...

Author illustration from journal

As a bonus for paid subscribers and an exercise in humility and discipline for me, I’m transcribing the notebooks I’ve been keeping since I can remember. I’m starting from around when I had graduated from university, aged 21.

Before that the writing is *too* excruciatingly embarrassing even to be amusing and I can’t bear to share it with you. Yet.

Read past me’s private thoughts as I flail around, falling in love, getting drunk a lot and making almost no progress whatsoever at ‘building a life’, besides getting pretty good at writing…

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17th August, the distant past

hmm, kissed dan last night, we spoke about stuff, I said I wasn’t sure if we were just being friends. he said he’d wanted to kiss me earlier, couldn’t I tell? i remember him saying, "i’m not a sexist," ha ha, that’s such a good sentence, i think it's the use of 'a' … i don’t believe him when he said he liked me etc, i thought (think) he was just trying to get me to sleep with him.. it's a bit weird actually, remembering… we were outside the moon under water for ages. we kissed. he said he’d wanted to do that for ages.

i was being a bit weird, i think, i can remember thinking he was trying to woo me… i was really drunk, i feel a little embarrassed.. i feel really young around them anyway, and being the drunkest is quite a sign of my youth, i bet i was slurring… oh dear. and i annoyed kara because i woke her up. why aren’t i excited about the x thing? a few days ago i was really into him… maybe it’s just the way it happened?