What Does It Cost to be More Authentic?

Reflections on letting go of people-pleasing (and the mask)...

Primavera from my pov

Writing this, I am at the tail end of a cold that I'm not sure is actually a cold. It arrived the morning after a day-long festival when I woke dehydrated, achy and feeling hungover though I hadn’t drunk any booze.

I got my partner and some of his family tickets for the Forward Festival in Bristol as it took place on his birthday weekend, and they bought us tickets for Primavera earlier in the year. I did this in early summer when the tickets were first released, and I was pleased with myself because I was sure my partner would be happy.

My partner and his family LOVE music. In the years since we got together, I have seen more bands than in my whole previous life: Kendrick Lamar, Laura Marling, Kurt Vile, Mount Kimbie, Tyler, the Creator, Morrissey, a fake version of the Smiths, Sharon Von Etten, Nick Cave, Nils Frahm, Hans Zimmer, Jon Hopkins, Little Simz…

All of these gigs were great. I love the part where the band plays, but there is so much around that which I fi…