Wow, this post gives me so many thoughts - I'm going to need to write about this topic, too. I hadn't yet made this connection, but I was thinking about it this morning after reading your post and I think this makes a lot of sense, "How many other people end up reliant on booze because they are autistic and don’t know it so live their lives pretending not to be themselves?" I feel like I can't successfully socialize without pretending to be someone else (other than with a tiny number of people that I am fully open with)
Alcoholism runs deep in my family, and so I've always been very conscious about it and leery of it. I haven't said this out loud, but I think I could describe myself as an alcoholic who is (at this time) successfully managing my drinking, in large part because the pandemic has made it socially acceptable not to socialize. For the past two years, I've been able to enjoy a glass of wine, along or with my wife, without having/wanting/needing more. It's been great because I love wine so much and have so much interest in how it is made and the whole art and craft surrounding it (wine is like an autistic special interest for me - I love reading about it and learning about it).
Before the pandemic, I would be traveling for business 2-4 times a month and engaging in a lot of social activity, which meant a lot of drinking. What I've felt is that not only do I need alcohol to engage in social situations, but I feel like I need to drink to spare the people I'm with the aggravation of my "true" personality (in other words, if I don't drink, and I'm in a social situation, I am going to be quite grumpy, irritable, and generally unpleasant to be around). If I drink, I'm more fun.
The way I feel about it now is that it's either/or - either I socialize and drink excessively, or I basically don't see people and I enjoy wine in moderation. The idea of a recovery program has always felt daunting to me, and I wonder how much of that is because of the structure and format that I imagine those programs to entail. I don't know, but thank you so much for giving me this to think about.
"Alcohol hid my autism (even from me.)" Your writings are beautiful and succinct. As a transgender person in recovery from alcohol dependency I can attest that alcohol hid the signs from me as well as those around me. Add F64.0 Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults to the list of "undiagnosed and untreated neurological differences." It a large enough group that we have AA meetings on Zoom devoted to the transgender community. Autism should be no different. I'm also pretty certain that a couple of us have both conditions. Life ain't fair, but recovery can be.
Wow, this post gives me so many thoughts - I'm going to need to write about this topic, too. I hadn't yet made this connection, but I was thinking about it this morning after reading your post and I think this makes a lot of sense, "How many other people end up reliant on booze because they are autistic and don’t know it so live their lives pretending not to be themselves?" I feel like I can't successfully socialize without pretending to be someone else (other than with a tiny number of people that I am fully open with)
Alcoholism runs deep in my family, and so I've always been very conscious about it and leery of it. I haven't said this out loud, but I think I could describe myself as an alcoholic who is (at this time) successfully managing my drinking, in large part because the pandemic has made it socially acceptable not to socialize. For the past two years, I've been able to enjoy a glass of wine, along or with my wife, without having/wanting/needing more. It's been great because I love wine so much and have so much interest in how it is made and the whole art and craft surrounding it (wine is like an autistic special interest for me - I love reading about it and learning about it).
Before the pandemic, I would be traveling for business 2-4 times a month and engaging in a lot of social activity, which meant a lot of drinking. What I've felt is that not only do I need alcohol to engage in social situations, but I feel like I need to drink to spare the people I'm with the aggravation of my "true" personality (in other words, if I don't drink, and I'm in a social situation, I am going to be quite grumpy, irritable, and generally unpleasant to be around). If I drink, I'm more fun.
The way I feel about it now is that it's either/or - either I socialize and drink excessively, or I basically don't see people and I enjoy wine in moderation. The idea of a recovery program has always felt daunting to me, and I wonder how much of that is because of the structure and format that I imagine those programs to entail. I don't know, but thank you so much for giving me this to think about.
"Alcohol hid my autism (even from me.)" Your writings are beautiful and succinct. As a transgender person in recovery from alcohol dependency I can attest that alcohol hid the signs from me as well as those around me. Add F64.0 Gender Dysphoria in Adolescents and Adults to the list of "undiagnosed and untreated neurological differences." It a large enough group that we have AA meetings on Zoom devoted to the transgender community. Autism should be no different. I'm also pretty certain that a couple of us have both conditions. Life ain't fair, but recovery can be.
Really excited to hear this conversation being opened up, I hope that new ways to recover come out of this.