This post captures something I've been reflecting on a lot recently. "Taking my cues from others and adapting myself to their preferences" - I have done this a lot. I've been calling it "acting" or "pretending". I love your question, "when did I learn to stop telling the truth?" because that is exactly how it feels. Like, I realized over time that people didn't react well when I said what I was really thinking, and so I learned how to stop, think, and say something else instead. I think this has been a big part of my success in the corporate world, actually. I'm working on a presentation on this theme.
Oh gosh. All of this rings so true for me too. My most famous line was to someone of quite lofty standing who told me he had a son my age (3) named Bruce and apparently I was outraged, with arms straightened down and fingers in fists, and said, “That’s not a name for a boy. That’s a dog’s name”. (My grandma’s dog name was Bruce). But there are a whole host of lines like that haha
I am quite sad my honesty and also my curious questioning was silenced, though I am now just starting to begin to be okay with asking questions about everything again, even if it’s only mostly to myself. People tend to dislike the honesty thing though. I think I am much more silent than I would be as a result of that.
It’s so hard to integrate all of these selfs and to learn to be my actual self (non-masking) these days but I am working on it! I think it’s a long and tricky process but at least you not you’re not the only one in it. Have been writing and drawing about exactly all of this and also worried it all sounds too sad and if that’s actually correct or not, but that’s what we experienced. Sometimes it’s not about the verified facts, it’s about the truth of the emotional experience!
This post captures something I've been reflecting on a lot recently. "Taking my cues from others and adapting myself to their preferences" - I have done this a lot. I've been calling it "acting" or "pretending". I love your question, "when did I learn to stop telling the truth?" because that is exactly how it feels. Like, I realized over time that people didn't react well when I said what I was really thinking, and so I learned how to stop, think, and say something else instead. I think this has been a big part of my success in the corporate world, actually. I'm working on a presentation on this theme.
Oh gosh. All of this rings so true for me too. My most famous line was to someone of quite lofty standing who told me he had a son my age (3) named Bruce and apparently I was outraged, with arms straightened down and fingers in fists, and said, “That’s not a name for a boy. That’s a dog’s name”. (My grandma’s dog name was Bruce). But there are a whole host of lines like that haha
I am quite sad my honesty and also my curious questioning was silenced, though I am now just starting to begin to be okay with asking questions about everything again, even if it’s only mostly to myself. People tend to dislike the honesty thing though. I think I am much more silent than I would be as a result of that.
It’s so hard to integrate all of these selfs and to learn to be my actual self (non-masking) these days but I am working on it! I think it’s a long and tricky process but at least you not you’re not the only one in it. Have been writing and drawing about exactly all of this and also worried it all sounds too sad and if that’s actually correct or not, but that’s what we experienced. Sometimes it’s not about the verified facts, it’s about the truth of the emotional experience!