I find meditation helps a lot with the sleeping issues, but it does mean that if I forget to do it then I don't sleep well!
I can relate to being an arsehole on similar holidays, I hate the heat when you can't seem to get away from it. I hope you have some quiet time and not so arseholey days to come whilst you're away!
I mean to do this but somehow don't manage it. Maybe one day I'll bite the bullet and do the proper training. It sounds like the answer to many of my issues so fingers crossed! I'm glad to hear you relate. It was that kind of heat this week, 30+. Aiiieeee. I think I managed to reign in the arseholeiness for a few of the days. There was a lot of retiring to my boudoir for sure... 💙
I have my in-laws visiting right now and they arrived the day my sister and her kids went home after their stay with us. They are all really lovely people who I like but I have felt like a constant arsehole. Then sometimes I'm not sure how much of my arseholery seeps through (urgh!) my veneer. Has my smile become a grimace? 😫
Hehehe, this made me feel less alone. I wonder if maybe sensory issues mean you ARE allowed to be an arsehole? I mean, I definitely am, fairly often, so maybe? If you luck out and get people around you who understand and can not take it personally/forgive the grimace/snarling? Still not sure but thanks for sharing your experience. I never got to write the piece about your painting yet! I really want to but just haven't managed to actually do it yet cos of all the things all the time. Hope you're well and will let you know when I manage it! Xx
Your article made me feel less alone too. I think that feeling like an arsehole is involuntary, just like a lot of my thoughts are. I work in an ice cream booth in the summer and sometimes I consider ramming a rude customer's ice cream in their face. I don't like it when people are arseholes to me, so out of consistency I think I mustn't let myself be one either, even if it seems justified. But it makes me appreciate that my closest family members love me despite the times I have been awful around them because I couldn't keep it in. It's like it's a part of intimacy. 😆
I try to avoid beaches but it’s hard when everyone else loves them. I don’t think I am able to not be an arsehole though. It is one of the worst sensory places to be. I try to suffer in secret silence but my usual flat face must look more miserable than usual haha What helps is having an escape - just someplace comfortable to go for a little bit and re-calibrate. Beaches are impossible! You can only hide in a book for so long before the inevitable overwhelm comes. Try to find a hospitable escape place and go back and forth between. Good luck!
That's v clever. I think I hadn't even considered whether I actually like the beach. It definitely sounds like, from this post, I don't. I love the sea tho so I guess the beach is the gateway... I can manage a few hours there, but I stay strictly under an umbrella the whole time and fight the sand a lot. Luckily my ma's apartment has proper blackout blinds so I could go home and put myself into the darkness to recover 😁 thanks for writing, I love to hear from you ❤️
Well, I did get told that everyone loves the beach and I am a spoilsport and the only weirdo who doesn’t many times haha So that’s why I know they all love it. But now knowing what bothers me about it really helps as now I can strategise more effectively. I do love the sound of the sea and watching the sea but the rest of it can be too overwhelming. The sand is the worst, especially when it sticks to sun cream - aaarrggghhh! Great re the black out blinds and that that helps to recover in between. I think that’s key - finding strategies that work so you can enjoy the good parts like the sea itself and holding yourself together and not suffering too much with the tricky parts. It’s hard to get the right balance though and I don’t know about anyone else but it has been hard to be assertive about my needs after a lifetime of adapting to everyone else and hiding my feelings and thoughts, apart from when they can’t help but slip out. In that way my arseholeness might be increasing but suffering in silence really hurts your own self.
You make some really good points here. I am working on not being silent about my preferences/needs/sensory issues as like you I quashed them for decades. And there was a lot of damage to my self as a result. I really lost touch with who I really was, in fact. So it's important to speak up and be assertive, even when it's an unpopular opinion like not liking the beach.
I think I enter the realm of mega complaining when I haven't asserted myself in time. So I've already been pushing myself to be agreeable etc for a while and then it all catches up with me and I can't do it anymore. And the stream of consciousness complaining begin!
So you're right, and I'm glad your 'areholeness' is increasing if it is in fact assertiveness. It can be hard to get the balance right. And I am so inexperienced, really still learning and often defaulting to people pleasing by default. But this discussion helps me remember what I need to do.
It’s a long process and one I am just beginning as well. I completely relate to the mega complaining thing and all you have said. It’s really crazy untangling all of this and doing so much re-framing and learning to actually be ourselves. It is so good to be able to share and remind ourselves. Really, no one has been in our corner to help us be ourselves for a whole lifetime. Surely, we have earned that right to get some time to be ourselves by now. So it’s okay to moan, complain and be assertive for once. But it’s hard to do as yes, the default is to adapt to everyone else and everyone else is also used to that. Just keep in mind it’s a long process and there’s no right or wrong way of doing it. Just even learning what bothers you and doesn’t is a massive step forward from where you were before. It’s a long road for all of us but at least we are not alone in it, even though it’s seems like it.
I find meditation helps a lot with the sleeping issues, but it does mean that if I forget to do it then I don't sleep well!
I can relate to being an arsehole on similar holidays, I hate the heat when you can't seem to get away from it. I hope you have some quiet time and not so arseholey days to come whilst you're away!
I mean to do this but somehow don't manage it. Maybe one day I'll bite the bullet and do the proper training. It sounds like the answer to many of my issues so fingers crossed! I'm glad to hear you relate. It was that kind of heat this week, 30+. Aiiieeee. I think I managed to reign in the arseholeiness for a few of the days. There was a lot of retiring to my boudoir for sure... 💙
I have my in-laws visiting right now and they arrived the day my sister and her kids went home after their stay with us. They are all really lovely people who I like but I have felt like a constant arsehole. Then sometimes I'm not sure how much of my arseholery seeps through (urgh!) my veneer. Has my smile become a grimace? 😫
Hehehe, this made me feel less alone. I wonder if maybe sensory issues mean you ARE allowed to be an arsehole? I mean, I definitely am, fairly often, so maybe? If you luck out and get people around you who understand and can not take it personally/forgive the grimace/snarling? Still not sure but thanks for sharing your experience. I never got to write the piece about your painting yet! I really want to but just haven't managed to actually do it yet cos of all the things all the time. Hope you're well and will let you know when I manage it! Xx
Hi Chelsey! No worries, I'm not waiting for it 🙂
Your article made me feel less alone too. I think that feeling like an arsehole is involuntary, just like a lot of my thoughts are. I work in an ice cream booth in the summer and sometimes I consider ramming a rude customer's ice cream in their face. I don't like it when people are arseholes to me, so out of consistency I think I mustn't let myself be one either, even if it seems justified. But it makes me appreciate that my closest family members love me despite the times I have been awful around them because I couldn't keep it in. It's like it's a part of intimacy. 😆
I try to avoid beaches but it’s hard when everyone else loves them. I don’t think I am able to not be an arsehole though. It is one of the worst sensory places to be. I try to suffer in secret silence but my usual flat face must look more miserable than usual haha What helps is having an escape - just someplace comfortable to go for a little bit and re-calibrate. Beaches are impossible! You can only hide in a book for so long before the inevitable overwhelm comes. Try to find a hospitable escape place and go back and forth between. Good luck!
That's v clever. I think I hadn't even considered whether I actually like the beach. It definitely sounds like, from this post, I don't. I love the sea tho so I guess the beach is the gateway... I can manage a few hours there, but I stay strictly under an umbrella the whole time and fight the sand a lot. Luckily my ma's apartment has proper blackout blinds so I could go home and put myself into the darkness to recover 😁 thanks for writing, I love to hear from you ❤️
Well, I did get told that everyone loves the beach and I am a spoilsport and the only weirdo who doesn’t many times haha So that’s why I know they all love it. But now knowing what bothers me about it really helps as now I can strategise more effectively. I do love the sound of the sea and watching the sea but the rest of it can be too overwhelming. The sand is the worst, especially when it sticks to sun cream - aaarrggghhh! Great re the black out blinds and that that helps to recover in between. I think that’s key - finding strategies that work so you can enjoy the good parts like the sea itself and holding yourself together and not suffering too much with the tricky parts. It’s hard to get the right balance though and I don’t know about anyone else but it has been hard to be assertive about my needs after a lifetime of adapting to everyone else and hiding my feelings and thoughts, apart from when they can’t help but slip out. In that way my arseholeness might be increasing but suffering in silence really hurts your own self.
You make some really good points here. I am working on not being silent about my preferences/needs/sensory issues as like you I quashed them for decades. And there was a lot of damage to my self as a result. I really lost touch with who I really was, in fact. So it's important to speak up and be assertive, even when it's an unpopular opinion like not liking the beach.
I think I enter the realm of mega complaining when I haven't asserted myself in time. So I've already been pushing myself to be agreeable etc for a while and then it all catches up with me and I can't do it anymore. And the stream of consciousness complaining begin!
So you're right, and I'm glad your 'areholeness' is increasing if it is in fact assertiveness. It can be hard to get the balance right. And I am so inexperienced, really still learning and often defaulting to people pleasing by default. But this discussion helps me remember what I need to do.
Thank for sharing 😁
It’s a long process and one I am just beginning as well. I completely relate to the mega complaining thing and all you have said. It’s really crazy untangling all of this and doing so much re-framing and learning to actually be ourselves. It is so good to be able to share and remind ourselves. Really, no one has been in our corner to help us be ourselves for a whole lifetime. Surely, we have earned that right to get some time to be ourselves by now. So it’s okay to moan, complain and be assertive for once. But it’s hard to do as yes, the default is to adapt to everyone else and everyone else is also used to that. Just keep in mind it’s a long process and there’s no right or wrong way of doing it. Just even learning what bothers you and doesn’t is a massive step forward from where you were before. It’s a long road for all of us but at least we are not alone in it, even though it’s seems like it.