This is interesting and I relate with writing. I still can't tell if swearing feels natural to me or whether it's a bit forced!
Maybe it's not masks, just versions of yourself, like you say. And maybe the problem is that our sensitivity and tendency towards analysis makes something feel uncomfrtabke that is quite 'normal'?
"But historically, I have struggled with integrating these versions. I’ve preferred to raze one to the ground and start over."
I have this problem across so many aspects of my life. I don't raze the different versions, but I rotate among them as needed and have no idea how I could possibly integrate them into a single self.
This is even true to a lesser extent in my writing styles! I have different writing styles depending on what role I'm inhabiting.
The thing is, I feel like all of these versions have a basis in authenticity. They emphasize or exaggerate aspects of me, but they're rooted in a kernel of truth. So, I don't want to just shed the masks. I'm not sure what to do (if anything) about it.
YES-I will accept that my end of semester grading process will be laborious, boring (aka excruciatingly painful), and impossibly inefficient, so: go ahead and just plan on it.
NO-I will not derail myself by opening an email or text I don’t actually need to immediately open just because i experience its arrival as an emergency.
Aaargh Gemma, are you my twin? I need to do exactly these things. I'm having a horror show today with focusing on a boring task I have been delaying (still have a tad of marking too!). And I so hear you on the email checking. I'm compulsively checking them and then flagging them as cannot deal.
Today it feels a bit impossible to be honest! I had ADHD coaching and I just can't tell whether my aim is to learn to plan (is this possible? Surely I'd have managed it by now) or accept that I can't!!
"Anxiously imagining negative thoughts in other people’s minds and then reacting as if they are real"
I do this too. If my partner is in a bad mood (or even just seems to me like he might be), instead of just asking what's wrong, I guess it must be me and then I try and be a perfect version of Becky to make it better. So, I'm going to be a copycat and say NO to that too!
And I'm going to say YES to actually bloody asking what's wrong!
Hurray! Thanks for sharing, Nick. It is so difficult to not listen to the parts of us that are destructive. I had amazing success with this quest in the process of getting sober, when I learned to not listen/ignore/not be influenced by the voice that thought the answer to every question was a pint of beer! But not so good at resisting the influence of the voice that insists I've embarrassed myself and that I'm embarrassing/intense/ignorant pretty much every time I interact with work colleagues/peers outside of my inner circle. 😢
Progress not perfection as they say.
Your rapidly cycling mood shift sounds very difficult to manage. I had a period of life just before diagnosis that I called Good Day Bad Day and I wondered whether I had the less extreme cycling of bi-polar but it passed on, eventually and I put it down to Rejection sensitivity stuff that was triggered by not being very good at teaching yet, while teaching full time 😅 thank god those days are over.
I get the sense your pattern has continued for longer, and that you are more in alignment workwise... I hope that your YES helps and that you are able to honour your NO.
Is there anything I can do to help? Do you need me to send you an affirmation at 14:55? 🤠
This is interesting and I relate with writing. I still can't tell if swearing feels natural to me or whether it's a bit forced!
Maybe it's not masks, just versions of yourself, like you say. And maybe the problem is that our sensitivity and tendency towards analysis makes something feel uncomfrtabke that is quite 'normal'?
Another mystery 😅
"But historically, I have struggled with integrating these versions. I’ve preferred to raze one to the ground and start over."
I have this problem across so many aspects of my life. I don't raze the different versions, but I rotate among them as needed and have no idea how I could possibly integrate them into a single self.
This is even true to a lesser extent in my writing styles! I have different writing styles depending on what role I'm inhabiting.
The thing is, I feel like all of these versions have a basis in authenticity. They emphasize or exaggerate aspects of me, but they're rooted in a kernel of truth. So, I don't want to just shed the masks. I'm not sure what to do (if anything) about it.
YES-I will accept that my end of semester grading process will be laborious, boring (aka excruciatingly painful), and impossibly inefficient, so: go ahead and just plan on it.
NO-I will not derail myself by opening an email or text I don’t actually need to immediately open just because i experience its arrival as an emergency.
Aaargh Gemma, are you my twin? I need to do exactly these things. I'm having a horror show today with focusing on a boring task I have been delaying (still have a tad of marking too!). And I so hear you on the email checking. I'm compulsively checking them and then flagging them as cannot deal.
Today it feels a bit impossible to be honest! I had ADHD coaching and I just can't tell whether my aim is to learn to plan (is this possible? Surely I'd have managed it by now) or accept that I can't!!
Thanks for sharing...
I feel you on the “no’s” - I do both of those things constantly!
"Anxiously imagining negative thoughts in other people’s minds and then reacting as if they are real"
I do this too. If my partner is in a bad mood (or even just seems to me like he might be), instead of just asking what's wrong, I guess it must be me and then I try and be a perfect version of Becky to make it better. So, I'm going to be a copycat and say NO to that too!
And I'm going to say YES to actually bloody asking what's wrong!
Also, I hope you enjoy your trip to Chatsworth! 🖤
Yes - to doing from heart and guts
No - to thinking and over thinking
I relate to the many authentic selves. I’ve recently begun to think of myself, or imagine myself as an ever changing entity- one but many.
Hurray! Thanks for sharing, Nick. It is so difficult to not listen to the parts of us that are destructive. I had amazing success with this quest in the process of getting sober, when I learned to not listen/ignore/not be influenced by the voice that thought the answer to every question was a pint of beer! But not so good at resisting the influence of the voice that insists I've embarrassed myself and that I'm embarrassing/intense/ignorant pretty much every time I interact with work colleagues/peers outside of my inner circle. 😢
Progress not perfection as they say.
Your rapidly cycling mood shift sounds very difficult to manage. I had a period of life just before diagnosis that I called Good Day Bad Day and I wondered whether I had the less extreme cycling of bi-polar but it passed on, eventually and I put it down to Rejection sensitivity stuff that was triggered by not being very good at teaching yet, while teaching full time 😅 thank god those days are over.
I get the sense your pattern has continued for longer, and that you are more in alignment workwise... I hope that your YES helps and that you are able to honour your NO.
Is there anything I can do to help? Do you need me to send you an affirmation at 14:55? 🤠