Join Me in Week 2 of The Selfhood Experiment!
Commit to one true NO and one true YES and see who you become
Every Tuesday, I share with you my week’s YES and NO, and invite you to do the same .
Soon after being diagnosed I made a pledge to practice ‘unmasking’ by following these simple guidelines, provided by an Autistic life coach: every week I must say one true yes and one true no. These must be purely for me, to make my life easier or more pleasant or more comfortable.
Aka NOT people-pleasing.
NOT changing yourself to accommodate others or make yourself more palatable.
The hope/wisdom here is that doing this for long enough will help a person find a more authentic version of themselves. A worthwhile for many people, but especially to late-diagnosed people who might just be discovering the depths of their masking.
So what was your YES this week? Did you make plans that felt good? Try something new. Stay home rather than pushing yourself to go out when you would have to mask a lot?
And how about your NO? These are harder for me, so please share your wins for inspiration.
My most engaged readers get the gift of TRANSFORMATION and also I will send you a comic strip of your best (in my opinion) YES and NO. <3
Yes to apple pie and custard while reading
This week I missed my AA home group for a date with a dessert and reading. I LOVE reading. It is how and why I became a novelist. And lately I don’t read. This is a crime that needed to be rectified.
🎉 🎉 🎉 🥳 🥳 🥳 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻
NO to sponsoring a wonderful woman
The NOs are a trickier animal. Last week I shared how I had to basically kick against my own infuriating psychology. This week I managed to do a no that potentially inconvenienced someone else (my kryptonite.)
To the naked eye this might seem irresponsible and selfish, but those of you who know, know. This is not that.
I let my lovely sponsee go because I am starting to understand how saying YES to one thing is saying NO to something else. And I am taking back my life.
Join me!
Regular readers will know one of the main reasons I struggled so long/finally got diagnosed was because of my challenges interpreting my own feelings and desires. Masking to fit in, does not help with these difficulties, hence this sweet and dorky challenge. Join me!
Do I feel more like myself as a result of this yes and this no?
Week 2, and I genuinely do. Victory!
So what was your TRUE YES and TRUE NO? What will your next ones be?
And if you enjoy these letters, but can’t afford to upgrade to paid, please share this with a friend. : )
You can connect with the Autistic community on Twitter. If you have a question, use #ActuallyAutistic or #AskingAutistics (or both). You can also visit The Autism Self Advocacy Network and the Autistic Not Weird Facebook page and website.
📚 Chelsey Flood is the author of award-winning novels Infinite Sky and Nightwanderers, and a senior lecturer in creative writing at UWE. She is currently working on a book for Jessica Kingsley Publishers about the connection between undiagnosed neurodiversity and addiction, as well as her first domestic noir. 📚
In just thinking about YESes and NOs I have a better understanding of just how reticent I am to put myself “out there” and claim a YES and a NO. Internally I am acutely aware of the risk it is to say what I need ~ risk of rejection, of not having my feelings validated. I am trying to imagine the steps I can take to be more visible. Interestingly I chastised my partner this morning for not volunteering her needs and wants sooner, before a resentment developed. Apparently I can take it but not as easily “dish it out.”
My YESes and NOs seem to me to be kind of mixed together. Resisting the urge to a) always have some audiobook or podcast going in my ear, and b) doggedly listening to something I'm not really into. I've been pretty stressed recently by a few things, among them the political situation in the US, and I often take refuge in books, audio and print. At the same time, sometimes I really some silence to think and process.
Now that I've written all that, I feel I have some clarity: it's been NO to trying too hard to distract myself, and YES to letting my mind wander more.