In just thinking about YESes and NOs I have a better understanding of just how reticent I am to put myself “out there” and claim a YES and a NO. Internally I am acutely aware of the risk it is to say what I need ~ risk of rejection, of not having my feelings validated. I am trying to imagine the steps I can take to be more visible. Interestingly I chastised my partner this morning for not volunteering her needs and wants sooner, before a resentment developed. Apparently I can take it but not as easily “dish it out.”
I relate very much Jan. In fact as I go on with this challenge it is seeming more and more important that I become better at this TRUE YES/NO business as a key means of taking more control of my life. And I don't mean life itself, I understand very well that I have limited control there, I mean my life. Where I put my time, and how I allow myself to be greeted, especially, perhaps, by myself!
I am good at pointing out where my mum is people pleasing while still struggling with it myself chronically! Keep going and please share with me your progress.
I had a very meaningful YES this week which I will write about when I can…
We can build greater autonomy and better lives in continuing I am sure of it!
My YESes and NOs seem to me to be kind of mixed together. Resisting the urge to a) always have some audiobook or podcast going in my ear, and b) doggedly listening to something I'm not really into. I've been pretty stressed recently by a few things, among them the political situation in the US, and I often take refuge in books, audio and print. At the same time, sometimes I really some silence to think and process.
Now that I've written all that, I feel I have some clarity: it's been NO to trying too hard to distract myself, and YES to letting my mind wander more.
YES CARY! I totally get you and have been having the same experience. I suppose we are discovering the way in which yes to something is always no to something else... Which is a really helpful way to see things and can help with those of us who have developed the habit of saying yes (or no, actually,) before checking in with ourselves and our actual heartfelt goals and values.
I'm glad you got some clarity from taking the time to write this. It helps me too, so thanks for sharing 😄
Another yes/no I want to work on is getting back to regularly updating my personal journal, which has fallen pretty far to the wayside as I've gotten more active on Substack. I need to say no to trying to read everything everyone I follow posts, both to leave more time to journal and for writing my own stuff! My personal journaling has always been therapeutic for me, so my stress level would surely decline if I got back into the habit. We'll find out how that goes in a future YES/NO!
In just thinking about YESes and NOs I have a better understanding of just how reticent I am to put myself “out there” and claim a YES and a NO. Internally I am acutely aware of the risk it is to say what I need ~ risk of rejection, of not having my feelings validated. I am trying to imagine the steps I can take to be more visible. Interestingly I chastised my partner this morning for not volunteering her needs and wants sooner, before a resentment developed. Apparently I can take it but not as easily “dish it out.”
I relate very much Jan. In fact as I go on with this challenge it is seeming more and more important that I become better at this TRUE YES/NO business as a key means of taking more control of my life. And I don't mean life itself, I understand very well that I have limited control there, I mean my life. Where I put my time, and how I allow myself to be greeted, especially, perhaps, by myself!
I am good at pointing out where my mum is people pleasing while still struggling with it myself chronically! Keep going and please share with me your progress.
I had a very meaningful YES this week which I will write about when I can…
We can build greater autonomy and better lives in continuing I am sure of it!
My YESes and NOs seem to me to be kind of mixed together. Resisting the urge to a) always have some audiobook or podcast going in my ear, and b) doggedly listening to something I'm not really into. I've been pretty stressed recently by a few things, among them the political situation in the US, and I often take refuge in books, audio and print. At the same time, sometimes I really some silence to think and process.
Now that I've written all that, I feel I have some clarity: it's been NO to trying too hard to distract myself, and YES to letting my mind wander more.
YES CARY! I totally get you and have been having the same experience. I suppose we are discovering the way in which yes to something is always no to something else... Which is a really helpful way to see things and can help with those of us who have developed the habit of saying yes (or no, actually,) before checking in with ourselves and our actual heartfelt goals and values.
I'm glad you got some clarity from taking the time to write this. It helps me too, so thanks for sharing 😄
That is indeed the rub; I agree.
Another yes/no I want to work on is getting back to regularly updating my personal journal, which has fallen pretty far to the wayside as I've gotten more active on Substack. I need to say no to trying to read everything everyone I follow posts, both to leave more time to journal and for writing my own stuff! My personal journaling has always been therapeutic for me, so my stress level would surely decline if I got back into the habit. We'll find out how that goes in a future YES/NO!