Chelsey, can I ask you - what does a true yes and a true no feel like? I've got so used to not knowing what I'm feeling and ignoring my feelings/wants/needs that I am not really sure I know anymore what it means to really mean a YES or a NO.
My true yes this week was allowing myself to just hang out in silent moments, when I thought I “should be making conversation” with my new work colleagues during onboarding week. Including when we went to see the elephants in a park that backs onto a Zoo! We went at lunch and were there for a minute or so and I, Britishly, went “Right!…” as in “we should go back and carry on working”. My new boss said “being with the elephants is as much of an intro to the team as work.” So I just stared at them more until she said something else :)
My “no” was not offering to help my old colleague with work he hadn’t done while I was on holiday!
A very good question and something that took me a long time to work out! I remember when I first got sober I couldn't read my body/feelings AT ALL but over time I've gotten better at it. I had no idea about autism or alexithymia for a few years after I quit booze but reckon now that played a part in my cluelessness.
At first a TRUE YES was anything where I didn't feel anxious. So allotment or garden or woods or home with my most trusted and beloved people. Reading always. Snacks, lol.
NOs are harder cos I'm scared of everything and can make my life really small if I'm not careful. I'm also a wimp so can persuade myself I want what others want just to avoid conflict.
So... Getting the balance right is HARD. I think it's hard for everyone (especially women) and especially especially late diagnosed autistic women. So long fitting in and hiding traits, tryna seem relaxed or like 'a real woman'
Thanks for sharing your sweet victory! I love that yes, it's a very kind one to you and also to your colleagues who can realise it's ok to not fill all the silences... Also excellent work in not offering to help your colleague with his workload. Legend!
Chelsey, can I ask you - what does a true yes and a true no feel like? I've got so used to not knowing what I'm feeling and ignoring my feelings/wants/needs that I am not really sure I know anymore what it means to really mean a YES or a NO.
My true yes this week was allowing myself to just hang out in silent moments, when I thought I “should be making conversation” with my new work colleagues during onboarding week. Including when we went to see the elephants in a park that backs onto a Zoo! We went at lunch and were there for a minute or so and I, Britishly, went “Right!…” as in “we should go back and carry on working”. My new boss said “being with the elephants is as much of an intro to the team as work.” So I just stared at them more until she said something else :)
My “no” was not offering to help my old colleague with work he hadn’t done while I was on holiday!
A very good question and something that took me a long time to work out! I remember when I first got sober I couldn't read my body/feelings AT ALL but over time I've gotten better at it. I had no idea about autism or alexithymia for a few years after I quit booze but reckon now that played a part in my cluelessness.
At first a TRUE YES was anything where I didn't feel anxious. So allotment or garden or woods or home with my most trusted and beloved people. Reading always. Snacks, lol.
NOs are harder cos I'm scared of everything and can make my life really small if I'm not careful. I'm also a wimp so can persuade myself I want what others want just to avoid conflict.
So... Getting the balance right is HARD. I think it's hard for everyone (especially women) and especially especially late diagnosed autistic women. So long fitting in and hiding traits, tryna seem relaxed or like 'a real woman'
Gotta go mid message cos toddler toddlering....
Thanks for sharing your sweet victory! I love that yes, it's a very kind one to you and also to your colleagues who can realise it's ok to not fill all the silences... Also excellent work in not offering to help your colleague with his workload. Legend!